Examining the Big Apple

Coming back from a long trip is like a fresh start. Time moves slower, everything seems different. You have new motivation – to cook and bake, experiment with new spices, to pray, to clean, organize, to read, write, think, to hang laundry to dry instead of using a dryer, to respond to emails, to make music, take classes, do yoga, learn languages…

Spending time abroad made me feel free, at home in my skin. I didn’t yearn for the things I yearn for in the States. I didn’t judge people. I was practical. I was matter of fact, yet I FELT. I cried, I laughed. I reacted to the world. I looked with wonder upon every situation. I didn’t get sick. I didn’t worry about fashion, or looking right, or cleaning. I talked to people. I observed, I took in, I smiled, I laughed.

New York City makes you hard. It makes you self-conscious. There are cockroaches, garbage, rats, beggars, people talking to aliens – so you have to protect yourself. Go go go … So you build a wall – you don’t let anyone in, you put on your headphones, you don’t smile, you don’t engage, you don’t connect, you get where you have to go and you don’t let your guard down, because who knows what might happen if you did.

I’m too casual for New York. I’m behind the times – with my nearly 3 year old cell phone and hair that hasn’t seen a salon since I can’t remember when. New York is expensive. It’s trendy. It’s image-conscious. It’s full of hipsters. It moves fast. And if you don’t run through the turnstile to get on the train, well, you won’t be going anywhere.

As I watch the wind rustle the leaves of the small trees of Houston St and sip my tea, I know fall is here. I left when it was summer –outdoor movies in the park, stifling heat on the subway platforms, air conditioners dripping onto the sidewalk– and now it is autumn. It’s time to pull scarves around your neck, and bright orange pumpkins appear for sale in the grocery store. It’s almost like I time traveled, pressed fast forward through the change in seasons.

New York City is completely different to me. And I’m reveling in that a bit. How the familiar has been made foreign. And while this certainly allows to me notice all the negatives of this city, it also gives me a fresh perspective as I live this next phase of my life.